The Girl With The Eyes

So we made it back to Texas.

We left early Saturday morning and got in early Sunday morning (or late Saturday night?). All in all the trip took us about 20 hours total. About 2 of the hours were stoppings, there was lunch and then dinner where we actually went into a real sit down restaurant because we were all getting grouchy and needed to be out of the car for a bit, and then several stops for gas and bathrooms. Add to that rain and then our bright idea to take back roads to avoid I-35 because it's under construction and we hate it anyways and you get a lovely 20 hour trip.

Towards the end of it I didn't think we were going to make it, I was ready to stop on the side of the road and sleep because it just seemed like we were never going to find our way home and we'd just have to live on the side of the road in the middle of no where Texas for the rest of our lives.

I got to drive part of this trip though, unlike the ride up because my crazy aunt didn't trust me to drive because her 13 year old kept telling her that I've totaled 3 cars. I like how he apparently knows my driving record - which yeah I don't know where he got that number from I haven't had an accident since like 2006 and that one was because a mattress hit me - and I don't think I can be blamed for that. So really no accidents since I was in high school which good lord was a long time ago.

This trip up to Indiana was really difficult for a lot of reasons, my Uncle and his family for starters. That was just so awful and my mind still boggles at how that happened. But to learn just how crazy and selfish the rest of my family is during this trip as well? It just made it all the more difficult and I'm glad to be back where we don't have to deal with those people again for a long while.

I've been glad to be home, despite missing the beautiful weather up there in Indiana terribly after the 109 degree day we had today I really miss that gorgeous 79 degree weather they were having up there, but its' good to be back in my bed, and it's good to have more than just the clothes I packed to wear, and it's good not to have to be constantly boy-wrangling, and it's good to have only my immediate family around me each day.

So I guess that's it. Things are getting back to normal, I need to start working on my big bang fic again I can do it I just need to push myself over the next few weeks. I think I'll be spending a lot of time on writeordie.

Yays for being back in Texas!

My family and I are still up here in Indiana. We had the memorial service for my uncle yesterday - it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not sure why that was, it could have been the truly dreadful bit of talking my other uncle did, or the way the priest seemed to say the same things over and over again while at the same time rushed through things. Or maybe we just did most of our grieving in the hospital this past week - I'm not sure really.

It still doesn't feel real, my grandmother died earlier this year and it still doesn't seem real that she's gone either. I'm not sure why that is. I mean I know I won't see my uncle or my oma again, but it doesn't feel like their really gone, and whether that is denial or that I am just calm in the notion that death isn't really an end I don't really know or care to be perfectly honest.

Through the loss of family members this year, I am feeling more and more firm in the idea that church or at least Christianity the way I've been going about it for most of my life is not really for me - It just, I don't know it seems silly. I don't know what is out there beyond ourselves, but it just seems like the boxes that most variations on Christianity seem to try and put us in are too small to contain what the world really is, what life really is.

I don't know, I didn't intend on writing anything like this, mostly I was going to update that things are still up in the air about what is happening, when we're going home, if I am staying up here or not. But I suppose seeing as the answer to all of that is 'I don't know' an update doesn't really do much good, does it?

My Aunt and cousins seem to be doing alright, we got to swim at a neighbor's house today and then we went and saw G-Force tonight, it was silly and pretty much as goofy as I expected from the previews - though I can't imagine anyone expecting a movie about guinea pig spies to be good in the first place - but the boys liked it and that was the important part.

Und now I think bed is calling my name.