Indiana update
Jul. 28th, 2009 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
acquiescenceMy family and I are still up here in Indiana. We had the memorial service for my uncle yesterday - it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not sure why that was, it could have been the truly dreadful bit of talking my other uncle did, or the way the priest seemed to say the same things over and over again while at the same time rushed through things. Or maybe we just did most of our grieving in the hospital this past week - I'm not sure really.
It still doesn't feel real, my grandmother died earlier this year and it still doesn't seem real that she's gone either. I'm not sure why that is. I mean I know I won't see my uncle or my oma again, but it doesn't feel like their really gone, and whether that is denial or that I am just calm in the notion that death isn't really an end I don't really know or care to be perfectly honest.
Through the loss of family members this year, I am feeling more and more firm in the idea that church or at least Christianity the way I've been going about it for most of my life is not really for me - It just, I don't know it seems silly. I don't know what is out there beyond ourselves, but it just seems like the boxes that most variations on Christianity seem to try and put us in are too small to contain what the world really is, what life really is.
I don't know, I didn't intend on writing anything like this, mostly I was going to update that things are still up in the air about what is happening, when we're going home, if I am staying up here or not. But I suppose seeing as the answer to all of that is 'I don't know' an update doesn't really do much good, does it?
My Aunt and cousins seem to be doing alright, we got to swim at a neighbor's house today and then we went and saw G-Force tonight, it was silly and pretty much as goofy as I expected from the previews - though I can't imagine anyone expecting a movie about guinea pig spies to be good in the first place - but the boys liked it and that was the important part.
Und now I think bed is calling my name.
It still doesn't feel real, my grandmother died earlier this year and it still doesn't seem real that she's gone either. I'm not sure why that is. I mean I know I won't see my uncle or my oma again, but it doesn't feel like their really gone, and whether that is denial or that I am just calm in the notion that death isn't really an end I don't really know or care to be perfectly honest.
Through the loss of family members this year, I am feeling more and more firm in the idea that church or at least Christianity the way I've been going about it for most of my life is not really for me - It just, I don't know it seems silly. I don't know what is out there beyond ourselves, but it just seems like the boxes that most variations on Christianity seem to try and put us in are too small to contain what the world really is, what life really is.
I don't know, I didn't intend on writing anything like this, mostly I was going to update that things are still up in the air about what is happening, when we're going home, if I am staying up here or not. But I suppose seeing as the answer to all of that is 'I don't know' an update doesn't really do much good, does it?
My Aunt and cousins seem to be doing alright, we got to swim at a neighbor's house today and then we went and saw G-Force tonight, it was silly and pretty much as goofy as I expected from the previews - though I can't imagine anyone expecting a movie about guinea pig spies to be good in the first place - but the boys liked it and that was the important part.
Und now I think bed is calling my name.