So, last year at the end of March (sometimes it's hard to believe it's been a whole year already) my boyfriend (Manfriend?) told me that he didn't think he could handle our relationship anymore, that he wasn't in a good mental place and that he didn't want to try and drag me through it while he sorted things out. And thusly I was dumped.
We were best friends for years before we started dating, I used to talk to him all the time, we'd text and call often and usually talk online most nights. I'd go to him when I was having trouble with school stuff, and tell him about the happy and sad things going on in my life.
When we broke up one of the things I was worried about the most was losing my best friend. The person I went to for everything.
For a few months after we broke up we didn't talk at all, I was still hurting too much and well I don't really know what he was doing. Eventually we started emailing again, about once a week or so - which for us was just the smallest bit of communication.
Since we started emailing one another again, the emails have been getting further and further apart. For a long time this really bothered me - mostly because I was still secretly harboring the fantasy that he'd say 'I'm fine now and I want you back, I was an idiot and I hope you'll forgive me' and then we could pick up where we left off.
Though as the emails began to start getting space out I slowly pulled back the emotional investment I had in him. To the point where I actually hadn't heard from him in ... seems like more than a month now, to tell you the truth and I was sort of hoping maybe he'd just stop emailing all together.
But then there it was this evening, the email from him. Apologizing for taking so long, and with a quick update on his life and asking about mine.
Now I am long past the point where I wish he'd say he wanted me back, but it seems emails from him still mess with my head a little bit - to go from thinking, this is it we're not going to talk anymore to oh hey he's still interested in being my friend ... at least a little bit?
I just don't know how to respond anymore, it seems wrong to throw away all the years of our relationship, but I don't know how we work together anymore either.
Not really sure what I'm expecting from this entry tonight, just needed to get some thoughts out.
We were best friends for years before we started dating, I used to talk to him all the time, we'd text and call often and usually talk online most nights. I'd go to him when I was having trouble with school stuff, and tell him about the happy and sad things going on in my life.
When we broke up one of the things I was worried about the most was losing my best friend. The person I went to for everything.
For a few months after we broke up we didn't talk at all, I was still hurting too much and well I don't really know what he was doing. Eventually we started emailing again, about once a week or so - which for us was just the smallest bit of communication.
Since we started emailing one another again, the emails have been getting further and further apart. For a long time this really bothered me - mostly because I was still secretly harboring the fantasy that he'd say 'I'm fine now and I want you back, I was an idiot and I hope you'll forgive me' and then we could pick up where we left off.
Though as the emails began to start getting space out I slowly pulled back the emotional investment I had in him. To the point where I actually hadn't heard from him in ... seems like more than a month now, to tell you the truth and I was sort of hoping maybe he'd just stop emailing all together.
But then there it was this evening, the email from him. Apologizing for taking so long, and with a quick update on his life and asking about mine.
Now I am long past the point where I wish he'd say he wanted me back, but it seems emails from him still mess with my head a little bit - to go from thinking, this is it we're not going to talk anymore to oh hey he's still interested in being my friend ... at least a little bit?
I just don't know how to respond anymore, it seems wrong to throw away all the years of our relationship, but I don't know how we work together anymore either.
Not really sure what I'm expecting from this entry tonight, just needed to get some thoughts out.
