Coming Home Pt. 1 Kradam Big Bang
Jul. 30th, 2010 03:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
acquiescence
Adam didn’t want him, Kris could see that. Despite the ceremony and the gracious acceptance of the assignment - it was plain on his face for Kris - and the rest of the world - to see that Adam was only doing this out of some sense of loyalty and tradition. It was humiliating in so many ways, Kris had waited so long for this - years of thinking perhaps he would never get an assignment, of whispers, of suggestions that he stay on at the temple as an instructor, that he was getting too old to make a proper companion.
To now finally have his assignment, but to see so clearly that he wasn’t wanted - it was almost too much to take. Some small part of Kris thought he might have preferred to just continue on without the assignment and become an instructor like so many had suggested.
He didn't let any of this show on his face though, Kris had been taught better than that – and after years at the temple only the Clerics and a few other unassigned Companions knew proper behavior as well as Kris did. He kept his face even, and didn't show any of the emotions warring inside him as he sat with Adam through the ceremony.
Assignments were supposed to be an honor, not everyone was lucky enough to be able have an assignment given to them - so those who were lucky enough were always grateful. It was unusual that someone would look so obviously displeased with their assignment - the Clerics put so much work into the assignments, making sure that things would work out, that the couples were suited for one another, that they matched on every level - it was the only way for their system to work.
And yet Adam was so obviously displeased by this assignment, Kris couldn't help but wonder if there was something about him that Adam found so off putting. He quickly rifled through his years of training, trying to decide what was the best course of action in this case, it would be easier if Adam would tell him what was wrong with him so that he could fix it, of course with the ceremony still going on - assignments still being made, pairs of obviously pleased couples crossing the high platform looking like they had never expected anything so wonderful as the assignment they were given - all Kris could do was sit there for now and wait for things to calm down again. And hope that Adam would be open to telling him just what had displeased him so greatly so early into their assignment.
The ceremony seemed to drag on forever; Kris remembered the annual ceremonies of years past while he waited for this one to reach its completion. Each year hoping that it would be the year he finally received his assignment, hoping that it would be the year that he was finally able to do something more with his life, that he would finally be allowed to truly serve the way he'd always been meant to. But each year he was passed by, left feeling that there was something lacking in him, some part of his training that he had not completed to satisfaction, some part of his personality that made him impossible to place.
And yet when he asked the Clerics all they could tell him was that they had not found the right match for him - told him to hold to patience and remember that it was for his own good that they waited. There were stories of assignments that had been rushed, back when all of this was still new - when the clerics were still figuring out how all of this should work, stories about assignments turned bad. Companions who came back to the temple broken, some who would never come back at all.
It was better not to think about the assignments, to focus on training, on being better, on service. And Kris had been good about that; he was dedicated to the system. He'd been there at the Temple for years, learning as much as he could and waiting for his own assignment to finally come - but as each year passed, as he grew older and watched others receive their assignments while he was passed over again and again, Kris couldn't help but wonder about the assignments. Whether the people he'd gone to classes with, the people he had trained with - if they were happy with their assignments, if the stories they had heard about some assignments gone wrong were just stories, or if there was some bit of truth to them.
It was foolish to think like that, and yet Kris had been unable to help himself. And now as he sat with Adam he couldn't stop those feelings of misgiving, what if this was one of those assignments they had heard about? What if he ended up being one of the unlucky few? Would anyone even care?
He grew more and more nervous the longer this went on, his training slipping little by little the longer the ceremony went on. It had never seemed this long in the past, it should have been over by now shouldn't it? The sun was hot on the back of his neck, seeping into his skin, warming the new band around his neck, and making him uncomfortable, he wanted to squirm into the bit of shade where Adam sat, but he didn't dare move closer. Instead he clutched his hands in his lap, and tried not to move them no matter how strong the urge was.
"Be still," Kris was startled at the smooth voice that came from beside him, and darted a quick look at Adam who was giving him the same disapproving look he had since the assignment had been made. "Relax." Adam spoke again; his voice more soothing than his expression, and Kris took a slow breath and forced himself to relax the way Adam had told him to, though it wasn't an easy feat.
He could feel Adam's eyes on him after that, watching him, though Kris didn't dare raise his eyes to look at Adam again, once had been more than enough for one afternoon. He could wait until they were in private to try something like that again, for now he would sit and behave, and endure what remained of the assignment ceremony, no matter how long it seemed to drag on.
Adam's home was large, larger than Kris would have expected, and larger than seemed right for someone who lived on his own – but after so many years of living at the Temple perhaps any place where Kris didn't have to share a room with ten other men was going to seem big.
It would take him some time to learn the place well enough to move around as quickly as he would like, but he did his best to learn the path that Adam took him guided him on..
“This will be your room.” Adam stopped outside one room, and Kris was surprised. It was unusual for companions to have their own room - though it was obvious that Adam had more than enough space, Kris couldn’t help being taken aback. He'd always been taught that he'd share a room when he finally got his assignment, taking care of Adam was all part of his duties now – and how could he do that if he wasn't with him?
Kris stood outside of the room and looked in, it was sparse, but so was the rest of Adam's home – at least what he'd seen of it. It was nice of course; nicer than any home Kris had known up to this point, but that was to be expected of course.
"Is something the matter?" Adam asked, Kris had been so lost in his own thoughts about the room and Adam's home and what all of this meant that he hadn't noticed the way Adam watched him – the hard lines from earlier in the day were smoothed out now, and he looked almost concerned for Kris as he waited for his answer.
"No … I mean, no of course not – I just…" Kris trailed off looking back into the room again and back at Adam. "At the Temple, it was part of our training." Kris had never felt so out of sorts, he wasn't sure where he should look, if he should continue speaking at all. He'd never found himself in this sort of situation – he'd always been the calm and confident one, and yet to have Adam looking at him. Those deep blue eyes staring at him waiting for him, all his years of training simply slipped away and his mind was completely blank. "I'm supposed to care for you." He finished with a sigh.
Adam's face hardened again and he shook his head and Kris wondered what he'd said wrong. "No, no that is not what you're here for. If I wanted a whore I could get one on my own."
Kris recoiled from the words, he was not a whore – it was an honor to be chosen to become a Companion, to learn at the Temple, to have the Clerics make your placement. This, all of this was about so much more than what Adam was suggesting, only those who truly needed the help of a companion were chosen for assignments. Only those who needed care in all aspects of their lives were given the responsibility to care for a Companion.
"That's not what I meant." Kris said quietly, though his mind formed the connections between what he'd asked and Adam's reactions for him.
"You don't have to do that here." Adam said, his voice soothing now, like he was worried he'd hurt Kris. All of this was so confusing, and it was only the first day, a very small part of him missed the Temple all ready. He'd been waiting for this assignment for years now, wondering what it would be like, picturing how his companion would look at him after the assignment had been made – and from the very moment the assignment had been made, none of it matched even Kris' wildest imaginings.
Kris nodded, looking back at the room again. He could do this though, that was what all his years of training had been for. He could take care of Adam as much as he would let him for now, and slowly show him what else he could do. These things could take time, Kris knew that, and he was nothing if not patient. And while he had hoped for something more from the start Kris could let Adam adjust to this.
"Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house." Adam's voice interrupted his thoughts again.
Adam had started walking without Kris, and without so much as a backwards glance to see if Kris was following him – though there shouldn't have been any doubt of that in anyone's mind. Kris was lead through the rest of the house, though there were a few rooms that Adam avoided, and Kris wondered what was behind those doors as they passed them by, but didn't ask. If Adam wanted him to know he would have told him - or at least Kris hoped he would. It was so difficult for him to get a read on Adam; he seemed very put out by this entire arrangement and yet occasionally gave Kris a look that said he would have liked what he could offer him.
"Do you have anything to keep yourself busy with?" Adam asked when it became clear they had finished with the tour.
"Anything you want me to do." Kris answered simply.
Adam sighed, like he was frustrated but Kris couldn't determine the reason for it. "But you don't have like a job or something?"
"This is my job." Kris said slowly, surely Adam knew, that was the whole purpose of him being there. Everyone knew the job of a companion. "Anything you require is what should keep me busy." It felt like he was explaining this to a child, but Adam should know, even those who were not given companions knew why the system had been put in place. And they knew the purpose of a companion, so why was it that Adam didn’t seem to understand?
“We’ll have to find you something to do then.” Adam said finally, and Kris simply nodded.
Adam hadn't wanted this assignment, he had been perfectly fine without it - hell he'd managed to live the majority of his life without someone following him around offering to wipe his ass, he didn't understand why now he was suddenly being given an assignment that he didn't want. He'd always thought the assignments had been for people who needed them, that was what the Clerics were always going on about.
Assignments were for the good of the people, there were those who just needed a little extra support in their lives, and those who were just made to be the sort of support they needed - Adam still had doubts about that little bit of trivia, but that wasn't the point right now.
The point was there was a man living in his house now, a man he didn't know, a man he'd never met before - who was apparently supposed to be there to take care of him. And far from welcome that fact it pissed him off, he didn't need help. He had always been perfectly capable of taking care of himself and nothing had changed that fact. He didn’t need anyone walking on eggshells around him the way everyone seemed to think they needed to these days, and he certainly didn’t need Kris following him around trying to be helpful.
Adam watched Kris during the day, he had done his best to find as many things as he could to fill up Kris's time - the last thing he wanted was Kris trying to find him to see what else he could do for him, it was bad enough having him there at the start and the end of each day, looking so eager to help - like he wanted nothing more than to do anything Adam would have him do. It made him sick to think about that.
No one in his family had a companion before, it had just not even been something they had considered. They were in the arts, they were musicians and artists, his father had been a writer - companions were very rarely given to those in such frivolous fields. They were usually saved for those with the more difficult jobs, scientists, researchers, the warriors, people whose lives were full of stress. People who actually contributed to society as he heard it said occasionally - though Adam had never had issue with his chosen profession. It was what he was good at - and that was the call of their society. Everyone did what they were good at.
Which was why he found it strange that some were apparently only good at serving; the entire idea of companions, of the structure of the companion system - it rubbed him the wrong way and it always had. And now to have one thrust upon him, having one live with him in his home trying to do everything in his power to wheedle his way into Adam's bed? It was almost too much for him to deal with on top of everything else.
He sat in his rooms most often, avoiding Kris as best he could. Though when that was an impossibility he watched the younger man. He pretended to be reading or busy with paperwork or very focused on anything other than Kris, but in fact nearly his entire focus was on the younger man - watching as he went about his chores, cleaning and straightening, organizing and stacking, doing anything Adam told him to do and seeming quite happy to be doing it - like all those years he had spent at the Temple really did make him good at only this. At service.
He thought about going to the temple, contesting the assignment that first day - but the look on Kris's face at the assignment ceremony, looking at the way he'd fidgeted and so obviously worried over Adam's opinion of him, Adam couldn't bring himself to do it - stars only know what Kris would think of himself if he was returned. Though Adam wasn't even sure if that sort of thing was allowed - he'd certainly never heard of an assignment being dissolved without merit. It was always for something like an owner who played too rough, someone who didn't know how to keep his toys in working order. And Adam shuddered to think about the sort of place Kris could have found himself in - and he decided it wouldn't be too much trouble for him to keep Kris. To have him help out around the house occasionally - perhaps he could even get Kris to consider something different for himself. Something other than a life of service.
Kris didn't understand Adam, it didn't seem right that he was so against this assignment. Oh yes, Adam gave Kris things to do - but it was all superficial - laundry, and cleaning, and cooking, none of it the sort of service that Kris had been trained to give. None of it the sort of care that Adam seemed to need so much, and yet he continued to deny that he needed anything from Kris. It was frustrating in so many ways for Kris.
He wanted to be the right sort of companion for Adam, to be able to give him the things he needed - the Clerics wouldn't have made the assignment if there wasn't something Adam needed that he couldn't get from anyone other than a Companion, and that was why Kris was here, but Adam would admit to nothing - it was like pulling teeth just to get him to ask for simple things like for Kris to fold his laundry. He did each task happily, and hoped each one was a step in the right direction.
Kris tried to get to know Adam better as he worked, usually he kept quiet - Adam seemed to like his home to be quiet and Kris respected that most days - occasionally though he would talk while he worked. He would find himself in the same room as Adam and ask him questions. He started simply enough, asking about his day, and then about his friends, hoping for any clue from Adam about why he was here.
"Will you see them again soon?" Kris asked, he and Adam had been talking about some of Adam's friends.
"I doubt it." Adam was staring at a book in his lap - Kris could tell he wasn't actually reading it, he'd been sitting on the same page for the last half hour and he knew he wasn't being nearly so distracting with his questions.
"Why is that?" he wondered. "You seem to miss them."
"They live in the city."
"You could visit, or they could come here, stars knows your home is large enough for that - there are so many rooms here, I've never seen a home this big before." Kris was still awed by the size of Adam's home and he had lived here for nearly a month now.
"No." Adam said after a long pause, like he had been considering Kris' suggestion, the way his face hardened was enough of a sign for Kris that question time was over for the day and he went back to his work, organizing stacks of papers for Adam to go through later, but even the papers didn't really give Kris much of a clue about anything that Adam did or wanted or needed - he had been here nearly a month and still did not know what Adam did for a living, the size of Adam's family, or the reason he was here. It was maddening to go each day without that sort of information.
Though at least one of those questions seemed easily answered, Adam didn't ever leave the house, which made Kris think that perhaps he didn't do anything, or he'd done something so spectacular at one point that now he didn't need to do anything now. Though that would get awfully boring, with nothing to do.
And that was how Kris spent most of his days, the time was passed filled with day to day chores, cooking meals, and asking Adam questions when he seemed to be in the right sort of mood - though that was happening less and less, perhaps Adam was starting to realize what Kris was doing as he asked him questions while worked, not that Kris was getting anything of use out of the questions he asked Adam.
Kris would ask him how his day was as he served him dinner, he'd ask him if he had any dreams the night before when he brought him breakfast, he'd ask if there was anything special he could pick up for Adam the next time he went out for food. The answers Adam gave were nothing special, the sort of answers one might give to just those questions, but whenever Kris tried for a question that might get him a better idea about Adam, well those never turned out quite as well as he'd hoped.
"The solstice is coming up."
"Hmm." Adam would just murmur a response to let Kris know that he heard him some days, like he thought Kris needed that from him.
"Will your family come? I could make something special for dinner, maybe something more festive."
Adam would close his book then, all pretense of reading gone as he stood up without even attempting to answer the question before he left the room. Leaving Kris there with the unspoken command not to follow him.
It was endlessly frustrating and caused Kris to lay awake in bed each night, not only fretting about what he was doing wrong, but what about him displeased Adam so much that he was completely unwilling to open himself up to what he could do to help him. And the eerie silence that he was still unused to, it would have been easier to sleep if Adam had been in the same room as him, the same bed would have been even better. Even if Adam continued to refuse to touch him.
Some nights he would get out of bed, there was always something to do in a house as large as Adam's and he would wander the halls. He'd take care of anything he saw that needed fixing or organizing, working his way through the house room by room - even venturing into the rooms that Adam had not shown him on the tour his first day there.
They were mostly offices, a library, but the best find had been a music room. There were books and books of music, and tables for writing, and the instruments. Kris had only ever seen this many instruments at the Temple, he didn't think private residences could afford this many - but it was obvious yet again that Adam's home was no where near the ordinary private residence. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him as he took it all in.
Everything about the room was amazing, and Kris could have spent hours in here not doing anything to help Adam at all. And though he never would, he would have loved every second of it. He ran his fingers over instruments that he found, over pages and pages of sheet music, some still in the midst of being written, but what most held his attention was the large piano.
He hadn't seen a piano in years, they used to have access to one at the Temple; they'd had it removed, but Kris never was sure of the reason. And it was too tempting not to sit down and run his fingers over the smooth white keys.
He shouldn't be sitting here at all, Kris knew that, he knew it and yet he was unable to stop himself as he lifted both hands to the keys and began picking out a melody. It was something he had learned when he was younger, something that he should have forgotten but like everything else his mind just soaked it up and Kris still held on to that bit of musical knowledge.
It started out slow and halting, but as he kept at it Kris was able to play with more and more confidence, until the music just flowed from his fingers, weaving its soft and sweet melody around him and through the room, filling it with the comforting sound. Kris was completely lost, playing bent over the piano as his fingers moved almost without his permission playing. And when he finished with one song it fell seamlessly into the next, it was like this was what he'd been waiting for all these years; this was where he felt right.
In a way he'd never felt during service, or when he was with his friends, or at night just before he drifted to sleep. The feeling that came over him now was one of complete satisfaction and contentment, for the first time since he came to Adam's home he felt like maybe he was actually supposed to be here - if only for this moment.
That was when the door opened with a bang, startling his fingers off the keys in a discordant sound as he whipped his head around to see Adam standing there in the open door, looking like Kris had committed the worst sin possible.
"What are you doing?" His voice was soft, and if Kris hadn't been so aware of Adam he might have just taken it for a whisper, but the anger pulsing through the words wasn't missed and he quickly got up from where he'd been sitting at the piano, closing the lid over the keys again and moving away from it again.
"I told you, these rooms are off limits." Kris thought that Adam might just be shaking with his anger and he continued his quick silent movements away from the piano and toward the door. "Aren't you supposed to be trained to do what you're told? Or do they teach you to do the opposite of what you're told? What did you spend all those years in training for if you can't follow a simple command?" He jerked his head toward the hall and Kris took the silent order and left the room and he practically sprinted back to his own room, closing the door as quietly as he could, absolutely mortified and what he had done.
"Very good." Her voice was soft and sweet, and Adam smiled without looking up from where he was working, focusing so intently on the page in front of him. But the scene that was playing out in front of him was one he'd seen many times before, and he didn't need to look to see it.
His mother sat at the piano, her fingers moving quickly over the keys playing a simple melody, and his brother sat beside her, his own fingers on the keys. Though the motions were no where near as graceful, in fact the discordant notes that sounded occasionally were more than enough proof that his brother was no where near the musician that his mother was.
"Remember, wrists up." She would sing along with the melody she played, and Neil would laugh as she lifted his wrist making sure he had proper form while he played with her. Just because he wasn’t a great talent was no reason not to play well.
Adam was writing, scribbling out words, lyrics, poetry. His talents lay in words. His mother was a brilliant musician, she played every instrument in the room, better than most people could ever dream of playing, and Neil well he was a bit young to have a real path yet, but it looked like he was going to be a painter, he had great skill with color even at such a young age.
And Adam - well he was right at the age where he was beginning to focus on his chosen path. He was lucky his family was well off enough that he could choose what he wanted; he wasn't limited in his choices, like so many others were. He didn't have to worry about being taken off to the temple, or being forced into something he hated. And for that he would be forever grateful to his mother.
She had made a name for herself with her musical talent, and now both her sons had the chance to do whatever they liked with their lives. It was an incredible opportunity and one that Adam didn't take lightly. Which was why he was so focused on the words that flowed through him and on to the page.
Of course that was usually when Neil did something completely ridiculous and was reduced to fits of giggles. Their mother would just smile at her youngest son fondly and continue her playing, Adam did not have the same resolve as his mother, and despite his best efforts he would eventually join his brother in his laughter.
Their mother would just keep playing, soft and sweet occasionally singing along as she played for them, letting them enjoy themselves for an afternoon.
"Adam?"
He opened his eyes and sighed seeing Kris standing there in the open doorway looking like someone had just told him that they were taking away his puppy or something equally as dreadful. It was getting impossible to simply sit and think in peace anymore. For someone so small, Kris certainly had a much larger presence - and for all the work Adam put into finding himself some time alone Kris managed to find him easily enough, and, more often than not, managed to get him talking, even when words had been the furthest thing from his mind.
He rubbed at his temple but motioned that Kris could come in if he wanted to. His home was, for the most part, completely open to Kris. And while it had taken some getting used to having a stranger in his home, Adam found that it wasn't unbearable, and the company wasn't absolutely terrible when Kris managed to stay out of places where he wasn't supposed to go. He had never expected something like this to happen before; it was never something he'd even considered. In fact Adam was sure he didn't even know anyone who had been assigned a companion like this, and some of his friends needed to be taken care of much more than he did. At least he could manage to make tea and toast for himself, which was more than could be said for some of the people he knew.
And yet here was Kris, intent on taking care of him, though Adam had no idea what to do with him. He certainly wasn't going to use him in the way that was likely intended. The very idea of using anyone like that, even if that was what they had been trained for - it was just repugnant to him and Adam wasn't going to do that. But there wasn't much for Kris to do otherwise, household chores, but Adam didn't think he really needed a companion for those sort of things, but at least it gave Kris something to do with himself, instead of hanging around waiting for Adam, like he was expecting him to suddenly decide one day that yes today was the day that he was going to throw out all his morals and sleep with Kris.
He didn't think this was supposed to be so complicated and yet everything about Kris seemed complicated. He'd heard stories about companions in the past, they made life easier, they took care of you, they were supposed to be exactly what you needed - and yet the reality of the situation was so much more complicated; all Adam could do was try and navigate his way through this without much explanation from Kris beyond he would do whatever it was that Adam wanted him to.
So it came as a surprise when instead of coming and sitting with him as Kris did from time to time, Kris was suddenly on his knees in front of him with his head bowed and his hands on his thigh.
"Um, Kris?" Adam didn't even know what to think of this new situation, this wasn't something he'd gotten briefed on.
"I am sorry." Kris' voice was softer than Adam could remember hearing it, despite his hesitant nature, Kris had never been shy about speaking to him. He always spoke calmly and with purpose, and to hear his voice like this, like he was worried - it was surprising to say the least.
"Sorry?"
"Last night." Kris supplied, and Adam tensed slightly, he wasn't sure what he would have told Kris about what happened the night before, but seeing him there - sitting at
"Look, its okay, really." Adam started, but Kris was shaking his head before he'd finished speaking.
"No, you were right, you told me not to go in there." Kris still hadn't lifted his eyes and Adam wondered if he was going to be having this entire conversation with the top of Kris' head. "And I ignored that, I completely disregarded my training last night, I was selfish and completely ignored everything you've told me since I've come here."
Adam wasn't sure where Kris was going with this now.
"I-" Kris started and stopped, Adam could see him lick his lips and take a slow breath before he looked up at him, and Adam was startled to see the look in his eyes. "I will accept any punishment you deem fit." He said finally, holding Adam's gaze, and the soft tone in his voice gone and replaced with a much more firm version.
"What?"
"I disobeyed you, and it is your right to punish me." Kris told him; in that same way that he used when he was explaining for the fifteenth time why exactly it was that he was here at all. And yet that this was supposed to be standard procedure didn't make the idea of punishing Kris any easier for Adam to swallow.
"You want me to punish you?" Adam repeated the request a little dumbly while he tried to make sense of it and Kris nodded. "How exactly am I supposed to do that?"
"However you like." Kris answered simply, it was always anything he wanted, however he liked, anything he wished, Adam was starting to hate that response, especially when it came to taking care of Kris.
"Care to give me an example?" Adam hedged, still clueless as to what he ought to do for Kris.
The hesitant tone was back again and Kris dropped his gaze back to the floor. "There are implements you could use." He supplied finally, and suddenly it all clicked into place for Adam, he could whip him, beat him, be one of those people you heard about - the person who broke their companion and he shuddered at the idea.
"No, no, I am not doing that." He said firmly shaking his head.
"But ... I - I disobeyed." Kris lifted his head suddenly, looking up at Adam and almost pleading without actually saying anything as he looked at Adam. "I ne-" And before he finished he clamped his mouth shut.
"I know you did, but I'm not going to beat you because of that." Adam said shaking his head. "I think you should go, for a while, take some time to clear your head or something." he told him, though really it was him who needed time to clear his head. Adam couldn't help but think that he was never going to get the hang of this, every time he felt like he was starting to understand how all of this worked Kris would throw another curveball at him and Adam couldn't help but wonder if this was how it was always going to be.
This wasn't how this was supposed to work, none of it had gone right from the moment the assignment had been made to this point where Kris now found himself. He was floundering, and he didn't know how to make it right. They didn't train you to deal with the possibility that you really weren't wanted. It was an honor, a privilege to have a companion, of course you were wanted - and yet Adam was insistent, again and again Kris was rebuffed and now this.
He should have been punished, needed it - to feel like he would be all right. And the hope of a punishment had been the thing that tethered him to reality the night before as he ran from Adam and went to hide in his room. It would make everything right again, Adam could remind him of his place, show him how he'd been wrong and then they could continue to move forward - but this? Being sent away? Kris still felt like he was slipping away, like this big thing was separating him from Adam and he just didn't know how to deal with it.
Adam told him to go back to his room, to leave, to be somewhere other than here and so Kris had. It wasn't exactly breaking the rules, but his mind knew well enough that he was. But Adam had already shown he wasn't going to punish him - leaving wouldn't drive them any further apart than they all ready were, and Kris hated that. He hated being unable to help Adam to give him anything at all.
And so he left, he went quietly, because while Adam had told him to leave - Kris still knew that Adam hadn't meant he could leave the house, but he left despite that knowledge. The band warm around his neck as he slipped out the front door and caught the first passing transport he saw.
For a long time he didn't know where he was going, just sitting in the transport, not even aware of the people that got on and off around him as it moved down the streets and slowly moved further to the heart of the city, and when he did finally raise his eyes Kris knew where he was going. It would be the last stop on the trip before the transport changed directions entirely and went back the way it had come.
Stepping off and into the shadow cast by the temple, Kris felt like he was coming home. This was the place he had known as home for so many years, he'd grown up here, been taught here, he still had friends here and people he almost considered parents for all their influence. This was what he had hoped to feel when he went to Adam's home, that sense of belonging and peace, and yet except for the moment at the piano nothing had felt right about Adam's home at all.
But this would always have the familiarity that Kris was looking for now - he had so many memories of this place. As the two boys in training opened the large doors for him Kris remembered the day he had come here for the first time. He'd been so scared and worried about what lay behind these doors, all sorts of crazy thoughts had filled his mind, and yet none of them were right - nothing could compare to the reality of this place.
He felt the same way when he first entered Adam's home.
Now all he wanted was to feel that sense of coming home again, and the temple didn't disappoint. It still smelled the same, rich wafting fumes from the altars, the sound of instructors' voices floating through the halls from classrooms. It was like nothing had changed in the months Kris had been gone.
"Kris?"
Not even this had changed, and a slow easy smile spread its way across his face as a familiar face and a shock of bright red hair launched herself at him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her face pressed against his throat. "What are you doing here? I thought you had been assigned, you haven't been returned have you? Can they do that? Are you hurt? He didn't hurt you did he?" She was going a mile a minute and if Kris hadn't had years to deal with it he might have been overwhelmed now.
But he had a lot of practice and he gently pried her arms from around his neck and laid his hands on her shoulders pushing her back just enough so that he could look at her face. "Calm down Allison, I am fine." He soothed her worries first. "Now let me get a good look at you, I want to see how much you've changed."
She rolled her eyes then and smacked his hands away from her shoulders. "I am fine, you know that - you haven't been gone long enough for me to have changed yet you idiot." She sighed. "You're not back though are you?" She bit her lower lip and for all her work at trying to seem older than she was, Kris was still very aware of just how young Allison was. She had been at the temple for several years now, and soon after she arrived she'd decided that Kris was going to be hers and followed him around from that day on.
It had been annoying at first, to have this child following around him while he was trying his hardest to prove that he was up to the task of companion, but Allison had been unrelenting. She could talk your ear off even when she'd been a much younger girl and it was something they hadn't been able to train out of her - though at least now she was able to keep quiet on occasion. Usually just long enough for a ceremony, or blessings before meals. Otherwise she was always talking, Kris liked that about her.
The ebb and flow of her voice washing over him each day. And to hear it again was just as much like coming home as it had been to step through the doors of the temple just a few minutes earlier.
"No, I'm not back, just visiting." He told her in a soft voice, stroking a hand over her hair, pushing a strand back behind her ear to get a better look at her face. "You have changed though." He decided looking at her face and he smiled at her.
She hugged him again, not quite as tightly as she had before but it was enough that Kris still felt it, felt the unspoken emotion behind the gesture. "So have you." She said quietly into the collar of his shirt.
"Come on," He said finally, putting an arm around her shoulder when he got her to stand straight again and lead her through the halls like he'd never left, and out into the gardens. It just took a wave of his hand and a young girl wearing her training band appeared with a pot of tea and two glasses for them. "I'm sure I'm taking you away from classes or something, but I'll have a word with the Clerics before I leave so you don't get into trouble."
"You know you might be gone, but I still don't need you to stick up for me." She reminded him with a teasing smirk and he just smiled.
"I know, you never needed me to do that, but humor me."