Kradam: Secrets part 2
Jul. 1st, 2010 10:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
acquiescenceTitle: The Space Between Us
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aquiescence_
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,500
Summary: Kris still has a few things left to say
Secrets
It came out in all the papers and on all the websites and all the magazines – it seemed like it happened only 5 minutes after they'd made it official, and honestly Kris wouldn't have been surprised. What with the way people followed him around constantly, it shouldn't have been a big deal – it was a mutual decision, and they'd made sure to tell their families before making it official, for just this very reason.
And yet, Kris wanted it to stop. Ever since he'd won, since it had been his name they'd announced at the finale, it hadn't stopped. There was never a moment to rest and just be, the way there had been in the past and he found himself missing it. Aching for those moments of peace that were so elusive now.
"You'll be all right won't you?" He asked Katy. The picture they created wasn’t all that strange. The two of them standing in the kitchen, Kris leaning against the island wringing his fingers together – a nervous habit he'd yet to break – Katy standing there, looking as beautiful as ever. If it hadn't been for the magazine on the counter their faces splashed across the front Kris almost would have said it was any other day. They were catching up before one of them had to run out the door.
But today there was a bag packed by the front door, and boxes littered most of the rooms of their shared apartment, waiting for the movers to come and collect them the next day. After Katy left this afternoon she wasn't coming back. She was going back to Arkansas for a few months. She'd said she wanted to clear her head, get out of the spotlight for a little while, until the next celebrity scandal came through and everyone forgot about them.
Kris didn't blame her, hell he would have loved to do the very same thing. Go home and hide in his old twin size bed covers pulled up over his head and just sleep until this was all in the past. But he didn't have that luxury, he had things to do – there were interviews lined up all ready, and concerts, and benefits – he just didn't have time to take a minute, even to breathe.
"Of course I will." She gave him a smile, very nearly the sort of smile that made Kris fall in love with her in the first place – though there was a sadness in her eyes this time that hadn't been there in the past. And Kris hated himself for it. "You know me Kristopher, I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."
Kris sighed, nodding slowly though. "I'll be all right, mom is all ready threatening to visit some time soon – I think between her and Daniel I'll survive." He assured Katy, throwing in just a bit of humor to keep himself from feeling just how sad he actually was about all of this.
"You can call me if you need anything." Kris had always known Katy was too good for him, she put up with so much getting him to this point, sacrificing so many of her own dreams to keep them afloat before everything started working the way Kris had always hoped. And now this just proved it – that she would still offer her help if he needed it despite the situation.
"I will." He promised. He never was very good with things like this – with emotions and saying goodbye, especially it seemed to the woman he'd loved for what felt like his entire life. But it seemed that love just wasn't enough anymore and they both wanted different things now.
So rather than stand there and try to rehash so many of the conversations they had shared over the last few months, Kris stood up – pushing away from the counter and closed the little bit of space that had been separating them and wrapped his arms around her holding her close.
She still fit perfectly against his body, and he knew he would miss this. Just like he all ready missed the feeling of her in their bed at night, and the scent of her against the pillows. Nothing would feel right with her gone, and he tried to tell her that as he held her close.
Katy pressed her face against his neck, and she let Kris hold her – probably longer than was comfortable, but he just needed this last bit of connection before they cut the ties between them completely.
"Have a safe flight, I'll make sure they get your things to you as soon as possible." Kris said finally as he pulled back from the woman who had been his wife all these years.
"Thanks." She pressed her lips together like she wanted to say something more but stopped herself at the last moment. "I'll be late if I don't go now." And Kris nodded, despite his desire to keep her there just a bit longer Kris knew better, it wouldn't make things any easier drawing this out and so they shared a final look before she turned and left.
And suddenly he was alone – the apartment was too big, and all the boxes just made it feel bigger, like he didn't really belong there. He sighed looking around before he went to the couch and laid down throwing a hand over his face.
He'd been in Germany when the news hit the papers, and he hated that he hadn't been there to help. But there were certain things that were just unavoidable no matter how much he wished he could get away from them. There were just things he had to do – of course he managed to pull a few strings and rearrange a few interviews when he was scheduled to be back so he would have some time, and that was the best he could do really.
He hated not being there, seeing his friend on the cover of magazine after magazine, all sorts of speculation on all the gossip shows and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Though he did manage to dodge questions people fed him about his opinion on everything – he didn't have anything to say to them about Kris, it certainly wasn't his place.
Please tell me you're showering He sent one morning, as he dried off his own hair.
Please, no one sees me – at least I brush my teeth
Adam snorted at the response that came back a few minutes later.
Wash your hair, just because you go around looking like some kind of beatnick is no reason to smell like one.
I'm hurt
I know
How's Germany?
Very German
Ha ha
I'm going to be back in 2 weeks, got time?
Always
Adam smiled pleased with himself when the exchange finished after a few more traded insults and teasing lines. They didn't see each other nearly often enough, schedules were far too busy these days and they were usually on opposite sides of the planet, but they kept in touch despite everything.
He just wished he could have been there for this.
But they made plans, in two weeks, Kris had some time and Adam made some time and then they would talk and maybe not fix everything but they'd get started.
---
Two weeks takes a lot longer when you're actually waiting for it to be over than if you're just living it, and Adam was just about ready to start pitching a fit at every public event they made him go to before the two week mark finally hit and he was free.
He flew to California and didn't even bother going home to change, he simply got himself to Kris' apartment – jetlag be damned. Though as he was standing outside the familiar door he wished he'd taken a little time, he didn't even know what he'd say to Kris now that he was there. Apologize? He was sure Kris had enough of that. Ask what happened? No, not likely.
Though before he could continue going through all the possibilities of what he might say to Kris his friend opened the door and grinned at him, and suddenly it didn't matter what he would say to him, just that he was there. Yes, this friendship had always been easy.
Even from the start, Kris had been a walking contradiction from the start, cute and so unbelievably sweet, and accepting despite where he was from and his beliefs. It was more than Adam could have hoped for and it was no wonder they'd become fast friends really. It was impossible to be anything else with a man like Kris and Adam had been forever grateful since their time on Idol together for the friendship they'd forged.
"Please tell me you showered." Kris said as he pulled the door open, smirking at Adam repeating their teasing.
"I did about 18 hours ago." Adam grinned in reply.
"Did you at least brush your teeth?"
"Of course."
"Well all right then." Kris laughed and stepped aside so Adam could come in. At least the apartment didn't look like all Kris had been doing was going around and mourning. There were no empty take out boxes or stacks of unfinished music lying around – so either Kris had made sure to have someone in and clean just in case Adam decided to come over right after his flight landed or he wasn't quite as bad off as he'd feared.
Adam wasn't sure which option he preferred more.
He dropped his bag by the door where he always did, though there was a definite lack of Katy's things, even right there by the door. There was always a pair of shoes there, a few rings or a bracelet on the table by the door – there were just keys now, and a few post-it notes that Adam didn't bother to read.
The further into the apartment he went the lack of Katy was even more apparent. She'd taken everything that had been her, everything that had filled the apartment with the two of them and all that was left was Kris.
"You need to hire some one to come in here and redecorate." Adam said finally after stopping in the livingroom and collapsing onto the couch – maybe he could have used a nap before he came over.
"Why would I do that?"
"Because it looks like a college kid lives here, you're a star for Christ's sake." Kris huffed out a short laugh; Adam caught the self-depreciation in the sound. "Oh don't start on that Allen, you're a star and you should have started acting like it years ago." Kris might never have had the same renown that Adam had, but Kris wasn't the all out glam sort of person Adam was either – and the fame he'd acquired in the years after Idol suited him very well.
"Maybe." Kris said finally, after several long minutes of silence.
Adam didn't like feeling awkward around Kris, they'd been friends too many years now for things to suddenly get awkward between them, he just wasn't going to let that happen. He relied on Kris too much, he needed those little teasing texts sometimes or else he would have to say some of the things he really wished he could to those interviewers.
"What happened?" Adam said, he'd told himself he wouldn't ask, that Kris probably didn't want to talk about it, but that was the problem. They hadn't talked about it. Adam told Kris about all his relationship woes – and he certainly had enough of them for Kris to feel justified in sharing a little of his own pain, but Adam hadn't heard Katy and Kris were having trouble until a few days before the news had hit the paper.
Just a quite email from Kris, letting him know what was happening and that was all either of them had said on the matter. They just let it lie between them, like it hadn't really happened, and maybe that was okay when Adam had been in another country, when they couldn't sit there and look each other in the face the way they probably needed to to have this conversation.
But now Adam was here, he was sitting on Kris' couch and looking at his friend and he needed to know what happened.
"A lot of things." Kris shrugged, he didn't even try to avoid the question the way Adam thought he might. "We've been drifting apart, wanting different things." All the sort of things Adam heard a lot about divorces and relationships falling apart but he never would have thought it would happen to Kris and Katy. They were kind of ridiculously cute together, Adam may have joked about a crush on Kris in the past, but he'd always loved Katy and Kris together. They just seemed to fit.
"Kris."
"I know how it sounds, but … people change, we'd been together since I was a teenager, and after all this, Idol, the tours, the albums, we just stopped fitting together the way we always did." There was more and Adam could see it, but he wasn't going to push just yet – oh he would eventually if Kris didn't spill it, but he'd give him a chance to do it on his own.
"I wanted … I wanted more." Kris said finally, without Adam having to push and he wasn't sure if he was relieved or not, but he nodded waiting for an explanation of that.
Kris sat heavily beside him, pressing his face into his hands for a long moment before he raised his face to look at Adam.
"I'm not sure what happened, when it happened really, when I stopped wanting Katy and started wanting someone else." And that was not at all what Kris had expected to hear from his friend – Kris loved Katy, everyone knew that, so why was his friend sitting here telling him now that he wanted someone else? It didn't make sense. "I know it's crazy and I don't really expect anything to happen, I still need some time for me, but I'm okay, I promise."
Adam didn't know what to say, he wanted to ask more, wanted to know who it was Kris wanted, if he'd met someone while touring, if it was someone he'd known for years. But he didn't ask. Kris was allowed a few secrets, especially when it was obvious his friend wasn't quite ready to start spilling.
"All right." Adam said finally, nodding deciding to shelf this conversation for the time being and instead he slung an arm around Kris' shoulders and pulled him back so they could sit together. "You'll tell me eventually, or I'm going to have to tell everyone you don't shower, got it?"
"You're the one who hasn't taken a shower today." Kris pointed out, smirking.
"Who are they going to believe? Me – who looks fabulous every day? Or you, the man who lives in plaid?" He arched an eyebrow at Kris, and grinned when he was assured of his victory.
"Fine, later." Kris agreed.
And Adam nodded, later would work.
Author:
aquiescence_Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,500
Summary: Kris still has a few things left to say
Secrets
It came out in all the papers and on all the websites and all the magazines – it seemed like it happened only 5 minutes after they'd made it official, and honestly Kris wouldn't have been surprised. What with the way people followed him around constantly, it shouldn't have been a big deal – it was a mutual decision, and they'd made sure to tell their families before making it official, for just this very reason.
And yet, Kris wanted it to stop. Ever since he'd won, since it had been his name they'd announced at the finale, it hadn't stopped. There was never a moment to rest and just be, the way there had been in the past and he found himself missing it. Aching for those moments of peace that were so elusive now.
"You'll be all right won't you?" He asked Katy. The picture they created wasn’t all that strange. The two of them standing in the kitchen, Kris leaning against the island wringing his fingers together – a nervous habit he'd yet to break – Katy standing there, looking as beautiful as ever. If it hadn't been for the magazine on the counter their faces splashed across the front Kris almost would have said it was any other day. They were catching up before one of them had to run out the door.
But today there was a bag packed by the front door, and boxes littered most of the rooms of their shared apartment, waiting for the movers to come and collect them the next day. After Katy left this afternoon she wasn't coming back. She was going back to Arkansas for a few months. She'd said she wanted to clear her head, get out of the spotlight for a little while, until the next celebrity scandal came through and everyone forgot about them.
Kris didn't blame her, hell he would have loved to do the very same thing. Go home and hide in his old twin size bed covers pulled up over his head and just sleep until this was all in the past. But he didn't have that luxury, he had things to do – there were interviews lined up all ready, and concerts, and benefits – he just didn't have time to take a minute, even to breathe.
"Of course I will." She gave him a smile, very nearly the sort of smile that made Kris fall in love with her in the first place – though there was a sadness in her eyes this time that hadn't been there in the past. And Kris hated himself for it. "You know me Kristopher, I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."
Kris sighed, nodding slowly though. "I'll be all right, mom is all ready threatening to visit some time soon – I think between her and Daniel I'll survive." He assured Katy, throwing in just a bit of humor to keep himself from feeling just how sad he actually was about all of this.
"You can call me if you need anything." Kris had always known Katy was too good for him, she put up with so much getting him to this point, sacrificing so many of her own dreams to keep them afloat before everything started working the way Kris had always hoped. And now this just proved it – that she would still offer her help if he needed it despite the situation.
"I will." He promised. He never was very good with things like this – with emotions and saying goodbye, especially it seemed to the woman he'd loved for what felt like his entire life. But it seemed that love just wasn't enough anymore and they both wanted different things now.
So rather than stand there and try to rehash so many of the conversations they had shared over the last few months, Kris stood up – pushing away from the counter and closed the little bit of space that had been separating them and wrapped his arms around her holding her close.
She still fit perfectly against his body, and he knew he would miss this. Just like he all ready missed the feeling of her in their bed at night, and the scent of her against the pillows. Nothing would feel right with her gone, and he tried to tell her that as he held her close.
Katy pressed her face against his neck, and she let Kris hold her – probably longer than was comfortable, but he just needed this last bit of connection before they cut the ties between them completely.
"Have a safe flight, I'll make sure they get your things to you as soon as possible." Kris said finally as he pulled back from the woman who had been his wife all these years.
"Thanks." She pressed her lips together like she wanted to say something more but stopped herself at the last moment. "I'll be late if I don't go now." And Kris nodded, despite his desire to keep her there just a bit longer Kris knew better, it wouldn't make things any easier drawing this out and so they shared a final look before she turned and left.
And suddenly he was alone – the apartment was too big, and all the boxes just made it feel bigger, like he didn't really belong there. He sighed looking around before he went to the couch and laid down throwing a hand over his face.
He'd been in Germany when the news hit the papers, and he hated that he hadn't been there to help. But there were certain things that were just unavoidable no matter how much he wished he could get away from them. There were just things he had to do – of course he managed to pull a few strings and rearrange a few interviews when he was scheduled to be back so he would have some time, and that was the best he could do really.
He hated not being there, seeing his friend on the cover of magazine after magazine, all sorts of speculation on all the gossip shows and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Though he did manage to dodge questions people fed him about his opinion on everything – he didn't have anything to say to them about Kris, it certainly wasn't his place.
Please tell me you're showering He sent one morning, as he dried off his own hair.
Please, no one sees me – at least I brush my teeth
Adam snorted at the response that came back a few minutes later.
Wash your hair, just because you go around looking like some kind of beatnick is no reason to smell like one.
I'm hurt
I know
How's Germany?
Very German
Ha ha
I'm going to be back in 2 weeks, got time?
Always
Adam smiled pleased with himself when the exchange finished after a few more traded insults and teasing lines. They didn't see each other nearly often enough, schedules were far too busy these days and they were usually on opposite sides of the planet, but they kept in touch despite everything.
He just wished he could have been there for this.
But they made plans, in two weeks, Kris had some time and Adam made some time and then they would talk and maybe not fix everything but they'd get started.
---
Two weeks takes a lot longer when you're actually waiting for it to be over than if you're just living it, and Adam was just about ready to start pitching a fit at every public event they made him go to before the two week mark finally hit and he was free.
He flew to California and didn't even bother going home to change, he simply got himself to Kris' apartment – jetlag be damned. Though as he was standing outside the familiar door he wished he'd taken a little time, he didn't even know what he'd say to Kris now that he was there. Apologize? He was sure Kris had enough of that. Ask what happened? No, not likely.
Though before he could continue going through all the possibilities of what he might say to Kris his friend opened the door and grinned at him, and suddenly it didn't matter what he would say to him, just that he was there. Yes, this friendship had always been easy.
Even from the start, Kris had been a walking contradiction from the start, cute and so unbelievably sweet, and accepting despite where he was from and his beliefs. It was more than Adam could have hoped for and it was no wonder they'd become fast friends really. It was impossible to be anything else with a man like Kris and Adam had been forever grateful since their time on Idol together for the friendship they'd forged.
"Please tell me you showered." Kris said as he pulled the door open, smirking at Adam repeating their teasing.
"I did about 18 hours ago." Adam grinned in reply.
"Did you at least brush your teeth?"
"Of course."
"Well all right then." Kris laughed and stepped aside so Adam could come in. At least the apartment didn't look like all Kris had been doing was going around and mourning. There were no empty take out boxes or stacks of unfinished music lying around – so either Kris had made sure to have someone in and clean just in case Adam decided to come over right after his flight landed or he wasn't quite as bad off as he'd feared.
Adam wasn't sure which option he preferred more.
He dropped his bag by the door where he always did, though there was a definite lack of Katy's things, even right there by the door. There was always a pair of shoes there, a few rings or a bracelet on the table by the door – there were just keys now, and a few post-it notes that Adam didn't bother to read.
The further into the apartment he went the lack of Katy was even more apparent. She'd taken everything that had been her, everything that had filled the apartment with the two of them and all that was left was Kris.
"You need to hire some one to come in here and redecorate." Adam said finally after stopping in the livingroom and collapsing onto the couch – maybe he could have used a nap before he came over.
"Why would I do that?"
"Because it looks like a college kid lives here, you're a star for Christ's sake." Kris huffed out a short laugh; Adam caught the self-depreciation in the sound. "Oh don't start on that Allen, you're a star and you should have started acting like it years ago." Kris might never have had the same renown that Adam had, but Kris wasn't the all out glam sort of person Adam was either – and the fame he'd acquired in the years after Idol suited him very well.
"Maybe." Kris said finally, after several long minutes of silence.
Adam didn't like feeling awkward around Kris, they'd been friends too many years now for things to suddenly get awkward between them, he just wasn't going to let that happen. He relied on Kris too much, he needed those little teasing texts sometimes or else he would have to say some of the things he really wished he could to those interviewers.
"What happened?" Adam said, he'd told himself he wouldn't ask, that Kris probably didn't want to talk about it, but that was the problem. They hadn't talked about it. Adam told Kris about all his relationship woes – and he certainly had enough of them for Kris to feel justified in sharing a little of his own pain, but Adam hadn't heard Katy and Kris were having trouble until a few days before the news had hit the paper.
Just a quite email from Kris, letting him know what was happening and that was all either of them had said on the matter. They just let it lie between them, like it hadn't really happened, and maybe that was okay when Adam had been in another country, when they couldn't sit there and look each other in the face the way they probably needed to to have this conversation.
But now Adam was here, he was sitting on Kris' couch and looking at his friend and he needed to know what happened.
"A lot of things." Kris shrugged, he didn't even try to avoid the question the way Adam thought he might. "We've been drifting apart, wanting different things." All the sort of things Adam heard a lot about divorces and relationships falling apart but he never would have thought it would happen to Kris and Katy. They were kind of ridiculously cute together, Adam may have joked about a crush on Kris in the past, but he'd always loved Katy and Kris together. They just seemed to fit.
"Kris."
"I know how it sounds, but … people change, we'd been together since I was a teenager, and after all this, Idol, the tours, the albums, we just stopped fitting together the way we always did." There was more and Adam could see it, but he wasn't going to push just yet – oh he would eventually if Kris didn't spill it, but he'd give him a chance to do it on his own.
"I wanted … I wanted more." Kris said finally, without Adam having to push and he wasn't sure if he was relieved or not, but he nodded waiting for an explanation of that.
Kris sat heavily beside him, pressing his face into his hands for a long moment before he raised his face to look at Adam.
"I'm not sure what happened, when it happened really, when I stopped wanting Katy and started wanting someone else." And that was not at all what Kris had expected to hear from his friend – Kris loved Katy, everyone knew that, so why was his friend sitting here telling him now that he wanted someone else? It didn't make sense. "I know it's crazy and I don't really expect anything to happen, I still need some time for me, but I'm okay, I promise."
Adam didn't know what to say, he wanted to ask more, wanted to know who it was Kris wanted, if he'd met someone while touring, if it was someone he'd known for years. But he didn't ask. Kris was allowed a few secrets, especially when it was obvious his friend wasn't quite ready to start spilling.
"All right." Adam said finally, nodding deciding to shelf this conversation for the time being and instead he slung an arm around Kris' shoulders and pulled him back so they could sit together. "You'll tell me eventually, or I'm going to have to tell everyone you don't shower, got it?"
"You're the one who hasn't taken a shower today." Kris pointed out, smirking.
"Who are they going to believe? Me – who looks fabulous every day? Or you, the man who lives in plaid?" He arched an eyebrow at Kris, and grinned when he was assured of his victory.
"Fine, later." Kris agreed.
And Adam nodded, later would work.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2010-07-02 04:50 am (UTC)♥♥♥
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Date: 2010-07-03 04:26 pm (UTC)very sweet, btw, sweet but not sickeningly so. perfect balance.
thank you!
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Date: 2010-07-03 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-03 09:11 pm (UTC)going to follow/track you RIGHT NOW in anticipation!!!
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Date: 2010-07-04 07:30 am (UTC)