SPN and Idol drabbles
May. 12th, 2010 01:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
acquiescenceMan I am such a good procrastinator. Been looking for pictures for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
idol20in20 and editing a few drabbles I've posted over the last few weeks to put here since I wanted them collected in one spot. Soooooo yeah, now I'm gonna go work on that kradambigbang (which I may have started over today) D: D: D:
First we have two scenes written foridolmeta Drabble Thursday, in which the prompt was Write two drabbles: one with character A in role 1 & character B in role 2, and one with character B in role 1 and character A in role 2. And this is what I have come up with
She left, well maybe left was the wrong word - but she was gone. Their apartment was empty, well, not any more empty than it had been over the last several months, but this time there was a certain sense of finality to it. It wasn't empty because Kris was on tour, because he's working late in the studio, because there was some party the label wanted him at. And it was not empty because Katy was out with her girlfriends, or because she got some new audition, or even because she was visiting her family.
Kris never felt this emptiness before, the way it pressed in around him, reminding him of all the ways he'd failed. He could hide from the paparazzi as long as he wanted here, they delivered groceries, and he could even get some equipment brought here to record if he got really desperate, but he couldn't hide from this. It was inescapable, and every corner of what was once their home now screamed out at him, a list of every single time he'd failed, every time he'd messed up, and all the points where this had just stopped working.
He hadn't even tried sleeping in their bed again. He was thankful Katy had talked him into getting the larger apartment, one where they could have an office and a guest room, just in case. He didn't think this was the sort of just in case she had meant though.
Irreconcilable differences. He'd heard that before, when the gossip shows talked about celebrities divorcing, he never thought they'd be applied to him though – it seemed wrong.
"Hey." The voice should have startled him, he'd been alone there long enough that the sound of a voice should have seemed off. But this was at least one voice he could always place. And it helped, just hearing it pushed away some of the emptiness.
"Hey." He replied without turning to look at Adam, knowing his friend well enough.
Adam climbed over the back of the sofa, putting his foot into the seat in a way Kris' mother always hated, and he could hear her voice now as he saw the way Adam's foot sank into the cushion as he levered himself over. And he was so glad Adam was there, and he pressed his face against the side of Adam's neck and let Adam wind an arm around his shoulders. This wasn't the perfect life he always wanted; in fact, he was pretty sure it was the furthest thing from that life he'd always dreamed about.
But with Adam there he could forget about how far he was from perfection, just for a little while.
***
He didn't think it would last forever, he had too much history with these things for him to get his hopes up as much as he had when he was younger, and yet he can't help that hollow feeling that was left behind. That hole inside him that he had thought could have been filled this time, just some small part of him had hoped.
This was getting all too familiar, the box of things by the door, filled with pictures, and burned CDs, and clothes that still had his scent on them. He'd throw them out if it weren't so hard, so they just sit there by the door - waiting. When his assistant comes by to check that he hasn't died in a few days she'll take care of it, probably call him an idiot for all his trouble too, but that's part of the reason he liked her so much.
He thought he wanted to be alone, to just take some time for himself, and forget what it was like to have someone laying along side him at night, that feeling of the sheets still warm in the morning, that sense of safety that was never truly there otherwise. It was harder to forget though when he was alone, in fact, it was all he could think about. The memories he'd made in this apartment with him.
Adam had been gone so often, there were tours, and signings, and time in the studio. He'd always felt like he'd hardly had time to actually be there - and yet sitting there now, alone in his apartment, he was more aware than ever just how much time they'd spent there. It was easier not to think about the time they spent in hotels, their trips together in Europe, the tours across the country. All of those memories seemed so far away now; it was the ones they made here that haunted him now.
"Hey." Adam thought Kris was on tour now, somewhere on the East coast, he'd texted him in the middle of the night. Just a short message letting him know what had happened.
"Hey." He echoed the greeting, but didn't move, didn't pull Kris into the hug he wanted to. He felt too fragile for that right then.
Kris hopped over the back of the couch, a move he must have learned years ago for how good he was at it - avoiding the cushions all together until he actually sat down. Adam wanted to talk, to tell him what happened, how he was such a mess - how he should have seen this coming. But nothing came out. Instead he let Kris put an arm around his shoulders, let him pull him down until he was practically laying on Kris, face against his shoulder, pressed up against his side
And for a little while he didn't have to talk, he didn't have to think, he could just breathe and forget.
And next we have a little drabble written for the SPN Cuddle Meme. The Prompt: You aren't going off to say Yes to Lucifer without HUGGING YOUR BROTHER first, are you, Sam? And thus we have...
This really might have been the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas - but it was also the best idea they had right now. Hell even Death said it was the only way to actually do this - that had to count for something, didn't it?
That didn't change that weight in Sam's chest though; the thing that curled and twisted every time he thought about what he was going to do. He knew who he was, knew what he'd done, the people he'd hurt, and just how weak he really was – better than even Dean ever could. He was the one who had been there for all of it. He knew how hard this would be, or he thought he knew - he doubted there was enough preparation in the world to get you ready to say yes to Lucifer. But he had to do this, had to prove that he wasn't the monster everyone said he was.
The thing he could see in Dean's eyes whenever his brother looked at him. Dean used to look at him in the past - and Sam knew that he was proud of him, or that Dean thought he was an idiot, or he was worried for him. More and more the look he saw in his brother's eyes was one that said he knew about the monster that lived inside him. The thing that made him evil - no matter how hard he tried to do the right thing, it was like Dean looked at him and he could see through him to that Evil inside, to whatever grew and festered and curled inside of him and made all of this so damn hard.
He just ... He needed to see something else there, to look at the one person who had always known him better than anyone and know that his brother actually saw him. Saw the person he'd been trying to be for so long.
"You're going to do it, aren't you?" Dean's voice startled him out of his thinking, and Sam looked up at his brother. And for a brief moment he thought maybe the worry he saw there wasn't because Dean thought he would fail, but because they both knew he wouldn't be coming back from this.
"Y-Yeah." Sam nodded.
"You think you can?"
Sam kept his mouth shut then, he didn't know for sure. Instead he shrugged, pressing a hand to his mouth for a long moment and sighed, looking down at his feet.
It was the hand bunching in his shirt that had him looking up again, just in time for Dean to jerk him forward and wrap his arms around him. Tighter than Sam could remember in years, Dean was practically clinging to him, chin against his shoulder and arms around his back. And Sam didn't have to think before he was wrapping his arms around Dean as well, holding his brother just as tightly.
They could do this, they could make this work - just like Sam always knew they could. He just needed Dean to believe in him like this, to hold him together just long enough for him to do this.
"You come back." Dean's voice was tight, quiet in. It was the voice Sam recognized as the one Dean used when he was doing his best not to let on that his eyes weren't as dry as he might have liked them to be. "You do this, and then you come back, do you hear me?"
His own voice was tight then, in the way that only Dean could make it and he nodded, clinging just as tightly to Dean and nodded. "Yeah, yeah I will."
And neither one of them mentioned the lie.
idol20in20 and editing a few drabbles I've posted over the last few weeks to put here since I wanted them collected in one spot. Soooooo yeah, now I'm gonna go work on that kradambigbang (which I may have started over today) D: D: D:First we have two scenes written for
idolmeta Drabble Thursday, in which the prompt was Write two drabbles: one with character A in role 1 & character B in role 2, and one with character B in role 1 and character A in role 2. And this is what I have come up withShe left, well maybe left was the wrong word - but she was gone. Their apartment was empty, well, not any more empty than it had been over the last several months, but this time there was a certain sense of finality to it. It wasn't empty because Kris was on tour, because he's working late in the studio, because there was some party the label wanted him at. And it was not empty because Katy was out with her girlfriends, or because she got some new audition, or even because she was visiting her family.
Kris never felt this emptiness before, the way it pressed in around him, reminding him of all the ways he'd failed. He could hide from the paparazzi as long as he wanted here, they delivered groceries, and he could even get some equipment brought here to record if he got really desperate, but he couldn't hide from this. It was inescapable, and every corner of what was once their home now screamed out at him, a list of every single time he'd failed, every time he'd messed up, and all the points where this had just stopped working.
He hadn't even tried sleeping in their bed again. He was thankful Katy had talked him into getting the larger apartment, one where they could have an office and a guest room, just in case. He didn't think this was the sort of just in case she had meant though.
Irreconcilable differences. He'd heard that before, when the gossip shows talked about celebrities divorcing, he never thought they'd be applied to him though – it seemed wrong.
"Hey." The voice should have startled him, he'd been alone there long enough that the sound of a voice should have seemed off. But this was at least one voice he could always place. And it helped, just hearing it pushed away some of the emptiness.
"Hey." He replied without turning to look at Adam, knowing his friend well enough.
Adam climbed over the back of the sofa, putting his foot into the seat in a way Kris' mother always hated, and he could hear her voice now as he saw the way Adam's foot sank into the cushion as he levered himself over. And he was so glad Adam was there, and he pressed his face against the side of Adam's neck and let Adam wind an arm around his shoulders. This wasn't the perfect life he always wanted; in fact, he was pretty sure it was the furthest thing from that life he'd always dreamed about.
But with Adam there he could forget about how far he was from perfection, just for a little while.
He didn't think it would last forever, he had too much history with these things for him to get his hopes up as much as he had when he was younger, and yet he can't help that hollow feeling that was left behind. That hole inside him that he had thought could have been filled this time, just some small part of him had hoped.
This was getting all too familiar, the box of things by the door, filled with pictures, and burned CDs, and clothes that still had his scent on them. He'd throw them out if it weren't so hard, so they just sit there by the door - waiting. When his assistant comes by to check that he hasn't died in a few days she'll take care of it, probably call him an idiot for all his trouble too, but that's part of the reason he liked her so much.
He thought he wanted to be alone, to just take some time for himself, and forget what it was like to have someone laying along side him at night, that feeling of the sheets still warm in the morning, that sense of safety that was never truly there otherwise. It was harder to forget though when he was alone, in fact, it was all he could think about. The memories he'd made in this apartment with him.
Adam had been gone so often, there were tours, and signings, and time in the studio. He'd always felt like he'd hardly had time to actually be there - and yet sitting there now, alone in his apartment, he was more aware than ever just how much time they'd spent there. It was easier not to think about the time they spent in hotels, their trips together in Europe, the tours across the country. All of those memories seemed so far away now; it was the ones they made here that haunted him now.
"Hey." Adam thought Kris was on tour now, somewhere on the East coast, he'd texted him in the middle of the night. Just a short message letting him know what had happened.
"Hey." He echoed the greeting, but didn't move, didn't pull Kris into the hug he wanted to. He felt too fragile for that right then.
Kris hopped over the back of the couch, a move he must have learned years ago for how good he was at it - avoiding the cushions all together until he actually sat down. Adam wanted to talk, to tell him what happened, how he was such a mess - how he should have seen this coming. But nothing came out. Instead he let Kris put an arm around his shoulders, let him pull him down until he was practically laying on Kris, face against his shoulder, pressed up against his side
And for a little while he didn't have to talk, he didn't have to think, he could just breathe and forget.
And next we have a little drabble written for the SPN Cuddle Meme. The Prompt: You aren't going off to say Yes to Lucifer without HUGGING YOUR BROTHER first, are you, Sam? And thus we have...
This really might have been the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas - but it was also the best idea they had right now. Hell even Death said it was the only way to actually do this - that had to count for something, didn't it?
That didn't change that weight in Sam's chest though; the thing that curled and twisted every time he thought about what he was going to do. He knew who he was, knew what he'd done, the people he'd hurt, and just how weak he really was – better than even Dean ever could. He was the one who had been there for all of it. He knew how hard this would be, or he thought he knew - he doubted there was enough preparation in the world to get you ready to say yes to Lucifer. But he had to do this, had to prove that he wasn't the monster everyone said he was.
The thing he could see in Dean's eyes whenever his brother looked at him. Dean used to look at him in the past - and Sam knew that he was proud of him, or that Dean thought he was an idiot, or he was worried for him. More and more the look he saw in his brother's eyes was one that said he knew about the monster that lived inside him. The thing that made him evil - no matter how hard he tried to do the right thing, it was like Dean looked at him and he could see through him to that Evil inside, to whatever grew and festered and curled inside of him and made all of this so damn hard.
He just ... He needed to see something else there, to look at the one person who had always known him better than anyone and know that his brother actually saw him. Saw the person he'd been trying to be for so long.
"You're going to do it, aren't you?" Dean's voice startled him out of his thinking, and Sam looked up at his brother. And for a brief moment he thought maybe the worry he saw there wasn't because Dean thought he would fail, but because they both knew he wouldn't be coming back from this.
"Y-Yeah." Sam nodded.
"You think you can?"
Sam kept his mouth shut then, he didn't know for sure. Instead he shrugged, pressing a hand to his mouth for a long moment and sighed, looking down at his feet.
It was the hand bunching in his shirt that had him looking up again, just in time for Dean to jerk him forward and wrap his arms around him. Tighter than Sam could remember in years, Dean was practically clinging to him, chin against his shoulder and arms around his back. And Sam didn't have to think before he was wrapping his arms around Dean as well, holding his brother just as tightly.
They could do this, they could make this work - just like Sam always knew they could. He just needed Dean to believe in him like this, to hold him together just long enough for him to do this.
"You come back." Dean's voice was tight, quiet in. It was the voice Sam recognized as the one Dean used when he was doing his best not to let on that his eyes weren't as dry as he might have liked them to be. "You do this, and then you come back, do you hear me?"
His own voice was tight then, in the way that only Dean could make it and he nodded, clinging just as tightly to Dean and nodded. "Yeah, yeah I will."
And neither one of them mentioned the lie.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 08:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 08:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-13 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-13 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 03:12 pm (UTC)EEP! *worries*
no subject
Date: 2010-05-13 07:41 am (UTC)